Not all who wander are lost.....

'Not all that glitters is gold.  Not all who wander are lost." - J.R. Toilken

I miss my girls.  I let them leave with my mother for the first time ever to go stay with her for a few days.  Part of me was so stoked to have free time I couldn't stand it.  But most of me dreaded it.

How can I protect them?  Who is going to keep Molly, my lactose intolerant child from eating ice cream?  Who is going to keep Lilly, my 'personal space challenged' child from just wandering off with strange people?  Who is going to control EVERYTHING about them????


Oh, dear.  Control.

Letting go of control is painful.  But the painful part of it all is admitting that I am attempting to control everything about my kids.  To protect them.  But by manipulating every foreseeable obstacle in their path and orchestrating situations that I think will help them, perhaps I am actually crippling them.  Perhaps I am making the road to their purpose even longer and farther away.

Controlled children will eventually be rebellious children.  And I'm realizing now while they are not in the house.....this extremely quiet house......that I am at a loss at what to do.  My control is gone.  What do I do now??  

I can't remember the years before becoming a Mom and having someone all over me at least 5 times a day.  And I'm sad.

My biggest fear is that my children will become me.  Or take my path.  I was 35 years old before I found my calling.  I flitted from thing to thing.  And one of my prayers is that God will give the girls, Kevin and me insight into their life's purpose so they won't wander.   So they won't feel lost in this world.  Too many people live and die wondering what it was all for.  I can't imagine anything worse.

But then again, I learned the most from some of my most painful and difficult experiences.  From hard work and hard choices.  From mistakes made and learned from.  From devastating failures where I had to scrape myself off the floor and take baby steps forward.  And if I had not had those experiences, I would still be flitting around today as a 38 year old.

Perhaps not everyones path is glittery and easy.  Perhaps the 'gold' we seek for our lives, at least for some people, comes after many years.  Perhaps the gold we receive, isn't the gold we were going for.   Perhaps it's not bad to struggle after all.

My Mom is taking the kids from her house to the beach to day.  My parents, my cousins, my aunt.....everyone who gets to spend time with them are all so excited.  And my kids are beyond happy.  They get to be free.  They get to be themselves while showered with love and affection by extended family who adore them.   They are being shown how valuable they are and how loved they are.  And that is a big part of their journey and path to the future.  Knowing their worth.   Knowing they can survive without Mom and Dad for a while.  Knowing that they are loved and not just because Mom and Dad say they are.

Letting go is hard.  But that's part of my path.  Allowing  my girls just enough space and freedom to sprout their wings, strengthen them and start the process of flying.  Trusting them.

Isn't that what this parenting thing is all about?