I have never been good with words when I am face to face with someone. Never. I stumble and fall. It's embarrassing really.....for me and for the person I'm trying to encourage. I make a mess out of something I'm trying to make beautiful.
Kevin always gets on me because I do almost all my conversing through texts and email. He says difficult conversations should never be done over email and that face to face is the way to handle them. Clearly.....he does not understand his wife. The wife that puts her foot in her mouth constantly. The wife that can't stop talking when she is nervous or trying desperately to say something helpful or 'correct'.
I remember once I was trying to make small talk when the other people couldn't come up with anything to further the conversation even though for some reason we were all stuck together for whatever reason. So, here I come to save the day! Talk, talk, talk......I rambled on about God knows what just to fill in the uncomfortable silences for what seemed like an hour. I don't know what I was talking about but I kind of remember the one sided conversation turning to topics like gay marriage and money. I went on and on and on and on.......just me talking. And then I remember looking at my husband. I've never seen such shock on any other humans face......and his mouth was clearly sitting on the floor. It was at that point that I knew I had just made a complete ass out of myself.....all in an effort to make people feel comfortable.
So......that is why I do difficult or encouraging or any important conversations in some way that I can think things through and write them down......deleting and editing myself as necessary. That is why I write poetry. I think everyone in my family has a poem written especially for them. I'll add them all in to this blog at some point but if you would like to see Lilly's it's here.
I mentioned in an earlier post how my friend from a previous church now has cancer. I tell him on facebook that we are praying for him but really.....that's not enough to say. But since I never know what to say.....I wrote this for him.
Charge the Hill
At the base of the mountain I raise my eyes
To the climb that looms ahead.
And though I tremble at the road before
It is the path that I must tread.
My heart beats wildly and my legs feel weak
but my comfort comes in knowing
There’s a power greater than all of me
So my faith just keeps on growing.
Though the world may try to tell me
Faith is simple and quite naive,
I’ve felt His presence in the blackest of times
And I shall continue to believe.
There may be days to come where I feel alone
During the pain and hardest trials.
But there’s an unseen world holding me up
And protecting me all the while.
I know prayers and love will come to Him
From those who share my suffering.
Whose hearts and souls are tied with mine
In this journey laid out for me.
So I take the first step and begin the climb
and I know love will gently lead.
Each hand firmly held by family and friends
We charge the hill to victory.