Bathing suit season starts for me today. We are at the beach. Which means I panicked last weekend and began eating impeccably well. I've seen a pound fall off. But........I'm so dreading putting on that suit. I even tagged this summer as the summer of the tankini. Time to make the switch. But I can't find one I like. So I'll be sucking it in and wearing the 2 piece for the time being. God, help me......and all those other beach dwellers.
But.....why such dread? What does it really matter? Isn't my beauty on the inside? (Oooo......I haven't been very beautiful there lately, either!)
I hate that I have bought into the lie of the magazine cover models. Okay....they are airbrushed and loaded with makeup and digitally stretched out......but I want to look like that!!!! Oh, dear.
We as a society really do buy into the lie. I don't think we want to. But we have. I have. That even though I am 38 years old, I should be able to maintain a 25 year old figure. After 2 kids and a c-section, my mid section should still be tight and flat (although it has never been tight and flat in my life!). My saddle bags should not be in existence and the 11 between my eyes should be smooth and lovely.
Well. That's not my reality.
I have a pudgy tummy that I suck in constantly (see Sunday's post about honesty!), I have saddlebags that hit the couch before I do and I have wrinkles that laugh at me every morning when I try to 'fill them in' with this silly, expensive cream I bought that promises miracles.
When my Granny died on October 11th of last year at the age of 100, I celebrated for her. I cried in agony and I rejoiced at the same time. I have a photo of her holding her first baby back in the 1930's. She was probably in her early 20's. And I said to my husband, 'She looks like that again. She's young and beautiful and strong again. I can't wait to see her someday again.'
And as I'm writing this post, I remember. There is a hope. My body will do more than sag and bulge. It will fail me. It will begin to fall apart as I age. I can already tell when I'm lifting weights that I ache with sharp pains in places I never did before. It takes so much longer to recover.
My body is at the very beginning of that failing. I'm aging.
But someday......someday, I'll have a new body. A body that will never fail or grow old or fall apart or sag. A glorious new body. So what am I so worried about?
And in the meantime, why waste precious time worrying about the inevitable? And living like aging and wrinkling is a death sentence?
I can honestly say, this is the best time of my life. I wouldn't go back to my 20's if you paid me. Life is beautiful, even though I seriously take it for granted so often.
I want to age gracefully. I want to respect the process, not fight like it's life or death.......in my appearance, anyway.
Today I asked my husband if I looked old. He replied, 'I think you are beautiful. And I wish you'd stop working so hard on the way you look and work harder on being Krissy.'
Oh, my. Work harder on being Krissy.
I want to be my best. The person God designed me to be. How can I love people the way God wants me to if I am so focused on myself? Sigh.......
Okay....here we go. Day number one of dispelling the lie. Babysteps....and with lot's of prayer......I will not pull my wrinkles apart as I look in the mirror today. I will not hoist my buttocks up or hold the fat back on my thighs to see what they would look like skinnier. Not today.
Today, I will be work on just being Krissy. And that has nothing to do with the newest wrinkle cream.
Before you leave this post, you just have to watch this video by Dove. It makes me angry then I cry.
In case the video doesn't show above, here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei6JvK0W60I.