There was a time I was the most negative person you would ever meet. You say the glass is half full? I would say the water had floaters in it. You say ‘what a beautiful world’? I would say the world is going to hell in a hand basket. You say every cloud has a silver lining? I would say clouds suck. They just suck.
But, I’ve grown up a lot in the past few years. Being a mom and a wife has matured me. Learning how to be a good friend and having awesome ladies want to be friends with me has humbled me a bit. Watching myself age has helped me prize more solid, lasting things in life. I notice beauty where I would have overlooked it before. I see the silver lining. I see the beautiful world. I see the glass as half full (even when there are floaters)!
But, there are days……..
I’m not sure people completely change. Even though I’ve gotten better about many things, the old way of thinking is still there, egging me on…..waiting how I will respond……wondering if I will cave or fight.
Most of the time, I choose to cowboy up and fight. What? The kids won’t eat the organic, super healthy muffins I baked that are totally allergen free?? No worries. The dog thinks they’re stellar. What?? I gained a few pounds even though I’m busting my arse doing Crossfit 4 times a week? No worries. It just makes me look curvy. What?? The Athleta shirt I paid a million bucks for just got a hole in it after 2 wears? No worries. Molly was asking for material to practice sewing with. What?? The fig trees I’ve been trying to grow for 9 years still are only a foot high and have never given a solitary, single, teeny, tiny, fig? Um……
This is a sore spot for me. Apparently, you can’t kill a fig tree…..or so says a ton of people I’ve talked to. ‘They can grow anywhere in any soil”! Well. Maybe. But not Feighery soil.
I know it sounds sooooooo stupid…….but I hate those effing fig trees. With a passion. With every fiber of my being. Those fig trees threaten every bit of positive progress I’ve made as an adult. Every step forward I make into the world of maturity, those stinkin’ trees mock and poopoo on. I hate them. I want to kill them!! But…….I want figs more. So……I suffer. I compost. I even put stinking poop on them because someone said it would work. So far…..it just makes the trees (and I use the word ‘tree’ loosely. More like ‘half-dead shrubbery’) smell like poo. That’s it.
In my utter and desperate frustration, about 2 months ago, I prayed over my dying, ugly, sad little trees. ‘God……PLEASE LET ME SEE LIFE COME FROM THIS DEATH!!!!’
And I waited. And I watched. And I waited. And I watched. And I waited. And I……well, you get the point.
Not a darn thing has happened yet. Nada. Nothing.
One day I was out pulling weeds when I noticed a new little growth next to the steps just outside our screened in porch. I bent down to commence violently ripping this new life sucking weed out of my lovely mulch when……I stopped. It was so cute. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t destroy this sweet little ‘weed’. It was tiny and helpless and……cute! Something told me to let it live. So……I did.
It started to grow. And grow. And grow. And……you get the point. Soon it became clear that this not-so-little-anymore ‘weed’ was a vine. And, even though I still didn’t know what it could be……I continued to let it grow. I even gave it a trellis to climb. I figured….hell…..can’t grow figs. But I sure can grow an accidental climbing weed!
Then, I noticed another growing on the other side of the steps. Strange, I thought. 2 bizarre but pretty climbing vines growing on either side of my steps…..perfectly symmetrical. So…..again….I let it grow.
But, then……one morning…….wondering what the heck this totally thriving vine could possibly be……. Oh, horror!! Was this thing…..KUDZU??? No!!! Not kudzu!!! Kudzu takes over everything!! It kills! It never goes away!! Must…..kill…..it!!!
So, I high tail it outside to grab that death weed out of the ground, burn it and bury the ashes when…………I saw something. Purple. I saw purple. A lovely shade of purple. A sweet, lovely, simple little…..flower.
My ‘kudzu’ turned out to be morning glory. A lovely, flowering vine that grows like wildfire and is absolutely gorgeous. And…..the coolest thing about it is…..the flowers only open in the morning. By mid-morning, they close back up again until the next day.
Every morning I come out on the porch about 6:00 a.m. to have my coffee. And everyday, there are more and more purple flowers slowly opening to welcome the sunshine. And every morning, without fail, I sit and watch a single honey bee flit from flower to flower, shaking the flower and emerging completely covered in pollen. I love it. It makes my morning. And even though the plant on the other side of the porch has no flowers yet, it grows at least 2-3 inches a day. It’s coming. Those flowers are coming.
And guess what has happened with my fig trees during the time I’ve been distracted by the morning glory on either side of my porch? Guess!! You’ll never guess!! Okay, okay…..I’ll tell you.
Nothing. Not a freaking thing. Nada. They are still lifeless, little mocking green bushes. They hate me. I hate them.
But…….those morning glories. In their place there used to be 2 little swirly pine tress that died and we cut them down. So…….life from death? Oh, yes. I think so.
The most amazing thing I love about God is……He gives us just what we need, just when we need it. He is amazing. He knows us better than we know ourselves. And in the bible when it talks about how we don’t get what we ask for because we ask with the wrong motives……that we don’t even know what we really want because we don’t know our own hearts…….and when we do ask for the desire of our hearts….truly and sincerely ask……He honors that. Even if it takes us a while to see the beautiful answer to that prayer.
Now…..did I want morning glory flowers on either side of my steps and not figs? I’m not sure. But what I do know is that I asked for ‘life from death’…….and those morning glories are just that. They aren’t figs. But I get sooooo much enjoyment from them. So much more than eating a fig!! I love them. I can’t wait to watch them open every morning. I love seeing that little bee flit from flower to flower covered in flower pollen. I love seeing a new flower bud that’s 2 days away from emerging…….It’s a reminder that God’s mercie, grace is and love are new every morning.
Life from death. And that’s good enough for me.
'Unicorns Last Dance' is available for purchase at Sanctuary of Davidson for $650.00.
God is good. All the time.