I felt so very sad. Like a part of my childhood had died. And my adolescense. And my young adulthood. And beyond. Because Mr. Williams' work spanned such a timeframe. Wow....What a body of work he had. He could do anything. What a talent.
Then, I found out how he died. Oh, my goodness. My heart not only broke, it was like it had been torn from my chest. I know that's so strange and insane to say about someone you don't really know. I mean, I don't think I've even seen one of his movies in years. But, I was crushed.
I tried not to think about it the next couple of days. But, as it went on, I started to sink. My mood declined. My motivation bottomed out. I couldn't get my act together to get anything done. The house looked awful. My gallery was sadly ignored. I painted nothing. I was lucky to return my texts and emails. Thank goodness the girls weren't in school yet because I was useless.
What was wrong with me?? I cried at the drop of a hat. Kevin would try to hug me but I couldn't stand to be touched. Seriously.....it was insane. Thankfully, by Monday morning I came out of it. But...really...it totally confused me.
All I can think is that I was grieving. Is that what that feels like?? And now that my head is back on straight, I realize what it was...........life can be awful! Life is horrible and unbearable at times. It doesn't matter how much you have or how much you have done. Life can be awful. From the inside out. Sometimes we have no control over what controls us. And that's so sad. And empty. And scary.
Sigh......
That wasn't very encouraging, was it??
Those are all the things I thought of when I was in my dark funk. But after coming out.....I thankfully began to reflect on how beautiful life is. Whew! What a relief. And how, even though there is horribleness within this world, there are so many more wonderful things. There's no comparison.
Despite it all......and even though it sounds like a contradiction......life is lovely. If you really look.
Life is meant to be shared. And I think one of the reasons Mr. Williams death shook so many people (including me) is because he shared so much of himself with us. From Mork all the way up. We felt close to him. We felt like we knew him. And we loved him! We learned laughter.
We are all meant to learn from one another. Seriously....I can't believe what I've learned from my kids. From my husband. From strangers who smile on the street. Beauty and encouragement can be gathered from so many places and so many people. It sneaks up on me sometimes. And those are the most beautiful moments. It's the simple, lovely, everyday things in life that help to keep our heads up. Despite the awfulness. It's people like Robin Williams who give us a reason to look up for a bit, even in the midst of our hurt. And his.
My heart is still breaking for sweet Mr. Williams. But, I choose to remember the simple, lovely, everyday things about him that make me smile. And, I thank him for years and years of making everyone laugh and sigh and cry. I can't wait to introduce 'Mork and Mindy' to my kids.
I wonder if they'll love that crazy red suit as much as I did?
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