Beautiful.

If you've read this blog long enough you know that I'm usually not very nice about my body, my age, my personality.......you name it.  I'm one of those very self-depreciating people.....much to the chagrin of my husband.  But, I've been working on it.  A lot.  Because.....well.....who wants to be around a downer?  Not me.  

So, I started thinking of positive things about myself.  Not just because I don't want people running and screaming away from me, but also because, according to the bible.....God knitted me together in my mothers womb and made me how he wanted me.  Now, that will make you feel badly about constantly complaining about your cellulite.  Sigh.....

But....positive self talk will only help so much.  I also believe God says, (in so many words).....'get your butt in gear and get healthy'!  (yes....I think He talks to people that way.  He's no softy).  

So.....last October I decided to join a cross fit gym against all my better judgements.  The first month I hated it but I kept at it.  And after 6 weeks I saw some change.  And more change in my body after 3 months.  And more....and more....and more.   And not only in my body (which, if you are wondering. still has cellulite) but in my mindset, too.  As I saw myself improve upon things I never thought I could do and also push through sweat and pain (good pain) that I would NEVER have allowed myself to feel before.....my confidence increased.    I started to look forward to working hard and feeling exhausted.  I longed to see how far I could go (within reason.  I'm not crazy).  Things were looking up!! (thanks, Coach Mike)

Then, I got into my own head again.  Complaining about my body.   Obsessing about my age.  Starring at my wrinkles and age spots.  Sigh........back to the beginning.

But......something snapped in me at the height of my bemoaning.  That still small voice I love so much. It said something like...."What the heck is your problem??  Stop being so freaking vain!  You look good!  You are still young!  And you are losing out on some serious quality time with your children while you obsess over yourself.  What kind of example are you setting?  Get your butt in gear!!"

Yes.....I believe God talks to me that way .  And, occasionally cusses at me.  Why not?  He knows what motivates me.  (I don't hear voices, if you are wondering)

And, I couldn't believe myself.  I was actually embarrassed.....even though it was only me standing in the bathroom (trying to hold my leg fat back behind me to see how I  would look with super skinny legs.  How mortifying).  But....it got me back in the right frame of mind. 

Who am I to say I'm ugly?  Who am I to hate my thighs?  Who am I to hate my wrinkles?  Who do I really think I am??

My kids think I'm beautiful.  My husband loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.  And those things are wonderful and so important.......but I need to think I'm beautiful.   

So.....I am beautiful.  I am.  In many ways.  Who am I  NOT to think I'm beautiful??   Because, quite frankly, how I view myself is going to rub off on my 2 daughters.  And, that should be enough motivation for anyone.

I can be an old 40 or a young 40.  Heck....I could be a young 80 or an old 80, for that matter.  It's all a state of mind.  It really is.  And, you don't have to be a cross fitter to be beautiful.  You could be a power walker.....or a dog walker!  A power lifter or a casual lifter or a yoga lover.  Just do something you love and be someone you love.

Today.....I choose to be beautiful.