There are days.......days when my hope seems to fade. Hope is what gives us life. Without hope, nothing can exist. Hope has gotten people through some serious business and the lack of hope has taken many a life.
I am very emotional and my sweet Lilly takes after me. It's hard to try to explain to her that emotions are beautiful. Emotions make an artist an artist. We see, hear, feel and are touched by things more strongly than most people. That is why we can express things in words, song, poetry, pictures, etc. that help others see, feel, understand, experience, etc. what they normally may not. There is a place for us.
I have spent 38 years trying to maneuver and understand what it means to live a highly emotional life. God made me this way and I accept it. I'm not trying to change anything. I'm only trying to understand how to live in this body, in these 'moods', through these emotions, these thoughts, this sometimes hopelessness......successfully.
'Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping.'
What is the purpose of so much pain? Hopelessness begets loneliness. Loneliness begets hopelessness. And we all know where that can lead.
When I feel......I really feel. When I'm happy, I'm elated. When I'm sad, I'm despondent. There is no happy medium. It's way up or way down. Created this way. For a reason. And I want to believe that it is a beautiful reason. I know it is. But knowing and accepting....well, that's different.
Pain can motivate. It's not necessarily a bad thing. But finding God in the midst of that pain is sometimes a lonely thing. And then it starts to get hopeless. And we have another circle.
Where is God in my pain?