I struggle with my thoughts. I guess most people do. But my thoughts are a little different than most peoples. Sometimes my thoughts tell me things that aren't true. Sometimes I get lost in those thoughts and get carried away. I've been known to walk around talking to myself. My darling husband is used to it. But I hate it.
I used to think I was crazy. I remember being 14 years old and meeting a friend at the mall and confessing to her that I really had fears that I was losing my mind. That was 22 years ago. My thoughts haven't let up a bit.
The difference now is that I know and accept (and even somwhat like) that I am purposely made a certain way. I'm an artist. I'm not a brilliant artist but I'm not bad, either. And as the kind of artist God made me, my mind likes to take over sometimes.
Other times it's my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem that makes my creative mind really get completely and utterly out of control. There have been times I couldn't remember if I had actually done or said things or if my mind was telling me that I had. I get lost.
So......think I'm totally insane yet?
Now, I say all this because I really have made peace (somewhat) with my sometimes 'insanity'. It is what it is. I am this way, mainly, because of the gift of creativity my God endowed me with. The problem arises when I allow my creativity to control me instead of me controlling my creativity.
It is what it is. I am who I am. It took me a long time to accept that God thinks my mind is beautiful. And so should I.
And luckilly, I still have friends who love me. A husband who treats me like a queen. Parents who tolerate and humor me. 2 fabulous little girls who tell me I'm the best Mommy in the world. And a great group of supportive artists at my gallery who don't run away screaming when I enter the room.
And that, my friends, is what keeps me sane. Most of the time, anyway.
Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies
3 days ago