All Of My Heart....

I was cutting hearts out of wood  to get ready for my 'Hearts in Flight' class tomorrow when I said something that struck me super hard.

Molly and Lilly came out and asked if they could have one of my hearts to paint.  I responded by saying, 'These are for class, girls.  You can have my leftover hearts.'

Now I heard myself say this and saw the girls smile, nod and walk away.....fairly happy at the thought of getting the leftover hearts.  But something in me cringed.  Because what I REALLY heard myself say was,

'You girls can have what's leftover of my heart.'

And I think that's exactly what I'm guilty of so often.  Running a household, running a business, teaching classes, dreaming up and scheduling new classes, working on my own artwork.........that's what I seem to spend most of my time doing.

Leftovers.  That's what my family gets so often.

But.........

Today, the girls and I had a lovely afternoon.  I usually shuffle them home so fast from school so I can have my afternoon cup of coffee while laying on the couch for 30 minutes reading a magazine.  Mommy time.

But, today, the girls asked if I would walk from the gallery, pick them up from school and then walk back to the gallery.  'Sure!', I heard myself say.  Hmmm....that's not like me.

So I power walked the half mile from Sanctuary to CSD and we slowly.....and I mean slowly......walked from school.  And I decided that I would not hurry.  We would just amble along and enjoy the day.  I would enjoy my girls and, hopefully, they would enjoy me.

And this is what we did.....

We stopped at the park.  Both girls picked me flowers.   That's them up ahead.

We picked up a friend at the park and stopped to play with a puppy on Main Street.

This puppy REALLY liked Molly.

A little Easter browsing at 'Cat's on Main'.

A pit stop at Sanctuary of Davidson to catch a breath and..........

..... to watch the lovely Jane Vanselous do a little knitting while she held down the gallery fort.

We headed over to the Bradford farm for fresh food and ended up making friends with chickens (on the right!)

Handsome devil.

The girls enjoyed flavored honey sticks......and a bit of showboating.

Another breather on the farmhouse porch.  Still sucking down some honey!

We got a tutorial from a totally awesome blacksmith who makes everything from old railroad stakes. 

And we met his funny dog who is howling right now at the blacksmiths' gloves laying on the block.  The dog later took off with one.  Super funny.

Girls....thanks for sharing your sweetness with me.  You have my heart.  ALL of it.

What Makes Your Heart Soar?

How does one take an idea, a dream, a calling and a desire and build it into reality?

I don't think a day goes by that I don't feel like I'm not quite doing what I am meant to be doing.  I suppose everyone plays that guessing game at some point.  I truly do believe I'm living in my 'sweet spot' to a point;  I get to do what I love everyday.

 Create.........

Teach.....

Me, teaching my 'folk art mermaid students' how to draw a simple face.

And see my ideas come to fruition.......

A pix from 'An Afternoon with Dad' art class.  An idea to help daddy's and daughters spend more time together.

What more could I want?


All these make me happy.  But there has to be more.  I have to admit that whenever I come up with a new idea, I still get that nasty old feeling...'how is this going to benefit me?".  I don't like that.  The criteria for saying 'yes' to something should not be based on the attention or money it will bring me.  I hate that part of me.

Lately, there have been NUMOROUS times I've opened my bible right to 2 different spots.  One in Proverbs 13:7 (Message Version) says,

"a pretentious, showy life is an empty life; a plain and simple life is a full life."

The other is Matthew 6: 31 (Message Version),

"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving."

I've always written these off as, 'woops.....didn't mean to open there.  Flip away, flip away!!!"

But I WAS meant to open there.  My pride and my love of money are 2 of my biggest downfalls.  What do to, what to do when you are deep in the pit of your vices.  

I believe God is calling me to give more.  Oh, we give lot's of money to a variety of places.  Money is easy to give.  I generally have no emotion tied to it.  No, I believe God is calling me to give of myself.  Give of my artistic talents to create neat events like family evenings for the Ronald McDonald house families.  Art events full of free classes, live music, cupcake tastings, portions of art sales to help the Ronald McDonald House feel a little more like home to those families living there for a time.

I also feel called to use Sanctuary of Davidson to support orphans at the Grace Life Childrens Home in India.  It's a place where 29 orphans live together in about 1800 - 2000 square feet.  My church has 'adopted' the orphanage but there are still kids who are not supported.  It costs $150 to ensure one child gets the resources he or she needs and some families are co-sponsoring kids to take the burden off during these tough times.  And it's not like those crazy commercials on t.v. where you don't know where the money is going.  Our church takes trips there, we get to skype our girl, Meena, and Kevin will be heading there in September to help more.

Is Sanctuary supposed to be a place that just brings money and glory to art, artists and myself?  Shouldn't it be a 'home' of sorts for  love and giving?  There is a reason someone suggested I name it 'Sanctuary'.  That was long before all these ideas but it was definitely the foreshadow of a calling.

So......this is my mission.  To love the sick.  And to love orphans.  Here is where my heart lies.

Now....how to piece all this together the way I piece my art together?  How to begin?

Sauteed Rice and Veggies.

This sounds just as it is.  Boil organic, non-gmo jasmine rice in organic chicken stock to give it more flavor.  Add to a pan with olive oil and lot's of chopped carrots, onions, red peppers and broccoli and let it cook over medium heat for about 5 - 7 minutes while stirring.  Spoon into bowls and add either wheat free tamari, organic and gluten free soy sauce or coconut aminos (all 3 of these taste like soy sauce).  That's it.  Simple and tasty.  Yum.

Different.

This is a repost from almost 2 years ago.  But, this theme was on my heart tonight.  Hope you enjoy.

'If you're lucky enough to be different, don't ever change'.  - Taylor Swift

I have always been different. When I was a kid I didn't understand it. When I did start to notice, it depressed me. Then it made me angry. Then I tried to medicate it. Then I tried to change it with self help books. Then I accepted it as unchangable and made peace with it. Then I accepted it as a gift. Then I thanked God for it.

But what happens when you notice that your child is different? When you notice that other people, children and adults alike, notice that your child is different. And they treat her as such.

How do you accept 'different' when your child is hurting from it?

Lilly is different. She's beautifully, wonderfully, magically different. She has just started to notice it. And she hates it.

She has no learning or developmental disabilities. No physical issues. Nothing you can put your finger on.

She's ultra-sensitive. She strongly feels depths of emotions that other people only read about in books. She sees colors in the ocean and shapes of castles in the clouds that others would need pointed out to them.....and probably still wouldn't see.  She's different.

She's 8 years old and comes to me crying that she's sad and doesn't know why. She says she hates being sensitive....that it's horrible. She hates being different.

And my aching, broken heart tries so hard to explain to her......

God made you just the way He wanted you. Your emotions and sensitivity are a beautiful, amazing gift. Your emotions allow you to feel the depths of happiness and sadness that other people just stand at the edge of. Your sensitivity makes it possible for you to see the blues and purples in beach sand when others only see tan. You can see shapes differently and maneuver then into drawings and paintings from memory..........because you pay attention to what other people overlook. You can shape words to express ideas and thoughts and beauty that allows others to see and feel what you see and feel, maybe for the first time.

What if one of your observations, one of your paintings, one of your lovely thoughts helps someone else to feel what they long to feel......just once?

Lilly is an artist.  The world needs artists. Artists paint the world with love and emotion and beauty. And sometimes their work helps people to grieve in ways that help to heal. Or sets them free in indescribable ways. Art is important. Artists are priceless.

The world needs people that are like Lilly......even though the world is not always so accepting of her.  Not even nice sometimes.

So, it's okay if my little girl gets overwhelmed in crowds and has to get away. It's okay if she finds strength in her solitude. It's okay that she doesn't always fit in. It's okay that she gets sadder than most when Bambi's mother dies in the movie. It's okay that while the crowd is playing tag, she's making flower hats and singing songs by herself. I know God, in His infinite mercy and perfection, will always provide her with at least one other person who understands her. And even if that person doesn't understand her, they will love her in her 'being different'.  Maybe that person, for the time being, is me.

And thank God that I spent years wondering why I am different....and then finding peace in it so I can understand and walk my child through the same process.....cheering her on and loving her and accepting her...even though I sometimes get frustrated with it, too.

And one day (it may be tomorrow or in 20 years) perhaps in the middle of her brokenness, she will look at herself in the mirror and say, 'I am wonderfully made in the image of God. I am beautiful. I am perfectly different. Praise God.'

Whether a child is an artist or not......
Different is beautiful.